Angry & Jealous

I would like to consider myself a strong person. 

Most days I feel okay and I am on top of the world despite my world around me.

Other days I feel I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.

At the end of the work day I would love to come home and trade off with a spouse.  I would love for someone to  cook me dinner, let me rest for  5 minutes or 5 hours for that matter.  But I don't have all of that.

When I come home I am the spouse.  I am both parents, so I guess I am super woman.

This gig is hard!  Going through all the crap has made me tap into a strength I didn't know that I had.  I do and do and do and I get it done. Giving up is not a choice.  But its still hard.

My kids look to me for everything because I am their everything.

Part of me gets so annoyed when people cry and whine about their 1,2, or 3 kids when they have help at home.  Do they hear me whining? No, I don't think so.

Being a single mom has given me more compassion for other single moms that I did not have when I was married. I could care less about single parent house holds then.  But now that I am in one, I know that the struggle is real. 

SO today, I don't want to hear about your fancy outings, and the money you drop on your kids toys and clothes.  I don't want to hear about how your spouse cooked you some fabulous meal or how you two are going out on a date.   I don't want to hear about how your spouse is pissing you off because my response will be at least you have a body to get pissed off at.

 And while I'm getting used to my new normal, I don't want to hear about how warm and fuzzy and full of togetherness your holiday was because today I face the fact that I will only see my kids for half a holiday and  I don't care about you and yours. While you look forward to the holidays, I have to figure out ways on how to even like them again and how to make the holidays special in light of knowing there is great possibility that I will not get an invitation extended to me, after my kids are gone.  And instead of bragging how fabulous your perfect life is how about asking us single parents how we're doing.


Today I am working through the jealously and anger.  Today I'm working on making new memories and traditions and recognizing that  my house is still a home even with one parent in it. I guess I need to give myself more grace that what I am.