Who else do I have but you, O God?

Tonight I am writing out of frustration and desperation.  Its been way too long since my last post.

My sleep is broken again. I find myself waking up 3:30 in the morning and either not getting back to sleep or catching sleep here and there until its time to get out of the door at 6:45.

My heart is so desperate for Gods wisdom and  guidance.  Tonight life feels hard.  It feels more than difficult.  But I can't adequately express all of that because I am tired.

As much as I have grown, as much as I have healed, my heart is still broken.

As strong as I am, as strong as I feel, I am weak.

I know that God never meant our live to be so full of disappointments and holes.
 I cling to Psalms 34 :18.. "The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit". 

I keep telling myself that God has not forgotten me.  That one day my break through will come.

I am hungry for your direction O God.  I have not navigated through these dark cold waters before.  So if you hear me which I know you do, answer me, lead me, give me the strength and resources to raise my 4 kids.

Cause tonight Im feeling a little low, a little alone, a little isolated, a little invisible.  Im feeling uncertain of my future.  But all I know is that I do not want it to look like what it has looked like these last 9 months.

SO be my God tonight.  Calm my fears.. help me to trust even though things continue not to piece together as I thought they would.  Be my God tonight.  May this broken life be a blessing to someone.. somewhere.